On February 14th, the hubby and I celebrate 5 years of marriage! We’ve been together for 12 years now but celebrating 5 years of marriage feels like a bigger milestone. My marriage has been the biggest blessing of my life and something that I cherish each and every day. With that being said, marriage has definitely had it’s challenges but it’s also grown me as a person in ways I couldn’t imagine if I wasn’t married.
So with that being said, here are 5 lessons I’ve learned in 5 years of marriage.
1. Forgive in abundance
The thing about being married is that you get into fights a lot. Most of them truly are minuscule but sometimes the most minuscule fights can turn into bigger issues. And big issues in a marriage, no matter how they started, are really no joke. So I’ve learned that forgiveness has to be in abundance and come quickly. In marriage, there is no time to hold grudges, give the silent treatment or use a past issue over your husbands head. You truly need to forgive your husband from the bottom of your heart and move on.
2. Communication is essential
With the above being said, forgiveness can be hard if you can’t communicate about your problems as a couple no matter how big or small. After forgiveness needs to come real communication. Whether you’re communicating about the issues you keep fighting about, how you’re going to resolve them, what you (yes you!) need to work on to become a better wife, and how you’re feeling in your marriage. Without communication, Qais and I’s marriage would be really dysfunctional. I’ve learned you need to talk about everything. And when you do fight, its you and your husband against the argument. Not you against your husband.
3. Self-Reflection is key
Weirdly enough, marriage has caused me to self-reflect a whole lot more. Why? Because, marriage isn’t about pointing the finger at your hubby. It’s about how you can love and serve your husband in the most selfless way possible. And that ladies, takes a ton of self reflection. I’m naturally someone who likes things done my way, always, and I also like to be right, always. But, as of recently, this is becoming a huge issue in our marriage. I’ve learned I need to swallow my pride, respect my husband and his decisions more and learn to self-reflect on a daily basis to grow into the loving wife my husband needs me to be. Which has been extremely challenging to say the least.
4. Two really do need to become one
For a marriage to work, both of you really do need to become one. One in all ways of life, not just in a few ways. You need to be on the same page about your relationship, finances, personal life, career etc. Being married isn’t like being roommates where someone is in and out, has their own bank account and does whatever they want without talking it through with the other person. Marriage is two people, who’ve committed to intertwine their life together to build something more fruitful than what they’ve could’ve build on their own. I’ve really learned this recently after seeing other married couple friends live separate lives and grow apart from each other. So keep your husband close and do life together!
5. Talking about finances is really hard
And lastly, I’ve learned talking about finances is really hard in a marriage. It can become emotional quickly, between talking about debt, bills, income and how to make your lives work (especially living in an expensive city) can take a toll on the marriage. Qais and I our navigating through this right now as we make some big changes to our lives. We haven’t always seen eye to eye but we are slowly learning how to communicate about finances together. So far, I’ve had to learn to listen better, take his advice, make a few changes to better us as a couple and to speak respectfully together about this topic. My advice would be, be slow to anger when it comes to talking finances, listen carefully and get on the same page even if that means you need to make sacrifices (because most likely your hubby will have to sacrifice too).
But overall, I’ve learned marriage is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I feel so lucky to call Qais my husband! 🙂